GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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