I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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