My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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