i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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