i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I touched a dick in church today
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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