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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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