i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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