you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
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Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
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I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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