There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
this beer tastes like vomit already
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His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize