Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
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yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
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Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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