i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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