youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
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sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize