Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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