Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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