She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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