Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
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It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
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Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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