apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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