just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Found your dick twin last night
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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