Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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