her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
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