I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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