Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
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