I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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