just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
There are leaves in my underwear?
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