He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
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