My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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