Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
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This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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