I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
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This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
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Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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