I wanna bring you to show and tell
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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