Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
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I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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