i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
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Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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