can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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