I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
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My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
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I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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