I'm jealous of your bromance
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
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How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
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You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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