just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize