Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize