Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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