i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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