When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
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They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
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Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
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