i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize