Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
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