Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
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i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
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My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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