well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
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and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
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if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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