I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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