I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize