i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
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I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
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Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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