i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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