if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
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Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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