I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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