I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
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I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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